Friday, November 21, 2014


I'm soooo fucking insane right now! Hahahaha.. I don't know why.. At first, I thought it's a mood swing because I got my periods. But, it have been 2 weeks and I still can't understand why I'm so easily angry and feel too much fear. I don't even productive lately.

Oh shit! I've become too much complained and turn into such a crybaby. Do I press myself too much? I don't know. I try to figure it out but I can't find the answer.

No, I don't feel fucking lonely or anything like that. I'm becoming so lazy to do anything. Well, I know that I'm a sleepyhead but that doesn't mean I'm a slacker. I feel fear easily when I face a problem, a fucking little problem! I'm not like that for months! No after I stop from my self harm 'cause I know that I get stronger.

But, what is the fucking wrong with me right now? I think I need to curse much more! I need find a way to release my depressed. But, how?!! I don't even know what I have to face! I don't even know what my problem is! It's a fucking shit!! It's so much better to be depressed by a big problem as long as you know what the problem is!

I think I need her. My mood is so much fucking better when she is around. Do I need spend more time with her? Maybe I depressed because it have been a long time I don't spent all my time with her?

Oh, fuck it! I got headache and I don't even know what I'm thinking about. Maybe I just need some fucking rest. I feel better after I got an enough sleep. But, is it really what I need or what I want?!! Oh, fuck it!

God!! Do I let myself get lost for the second time? Do I let my-fucking-self get lost? How it can be? When I let my inner self go away? Oh shit.. I need to find it. I can't even feel God in this kind of situation. I can't even feel my fear when I remember my sin. I can't even cry in my pray! I move backwards!

Oh shit! Fuck it! Is that my real problem? That I lost my-fucking-self?! Oh.. Well, probably it is. I ought to find a way to make it up once again. I need to release myself from this fucking shit condition. I need to release myself from this fucking ridiculous depressed situation. I need to get myself back!

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